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I'm 54. Elly is 52. When we first got together, I thought sex was as static as eye color. I had no idea how it could evolve and mature. We're not two horny college kids humping our brains out on a single mattress to Dylan's "Blonde on Blonde" LP. We still do it to music -- in addition to the Stones, there are Springsteen and Indigo Girls CDs stacked up on our boom box -- but now we're on a king-size bed surrounded by scented candles, and the action has mellowed. I forget who said it, but it's true: Older sex is less like the Fourth of July, more like Thanksgiving. In our case, it's a feast with the occasional bone in the stuffing -- the bones being our enduring difference in desired frequency.

Elly and I met in college. We were introduced by a mutual friend at a screening of an obscure movie, "Lilith," with Warren Beatty, Jean Seberg, Peter Fonda and Gene Hackman, about a therapist who falls in love with a patient. (Every now and then when we notice it's on TV, we try to catch it.) Elly was a freshman, all of 18. I was an "older man," a 20-year-old junior. We have kids those ages now, and it amazes us how immature they seem. We ask each other if we were that clueless, and suppose we were. It never occurred to us when we were that age that life is long, and that we could grow and change together -- as individuals and partners in marriage and in a sexual relationship. 041b061a72